Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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