i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think my moral compass just broke
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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