Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
