I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
