...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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