just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
