she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
