You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
