If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
