the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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