you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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