Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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