Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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