Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize