Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
