I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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