they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
