Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
