I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize