yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
