WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
