I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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