One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
