There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize