I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
