tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
