I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
