I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize