he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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