It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
