You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
