I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
