You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
