Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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