and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
