That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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