I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
