70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
