there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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