Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
