Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
