You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
