Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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