I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
