Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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