My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
zippers are such a cool invention
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
