YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
