i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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