I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
