So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
