Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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