Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize