he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
