I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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