so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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