Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
