Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I just put wine in my tea
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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