I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
