i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Text me some of your sweat
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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