As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
