well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
