i would punch a child for taco bell
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
