Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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