i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
