I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
