My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
