you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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