dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
