Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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