so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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