I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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